Emotional intelligence (EI), is a set of skills that help us recognize, understand, and manage our own emotions as well as recognize, understand, and influence the emotions of others. “Emotional intelligence is critical in building and maintaining relationships and influencing others—key skills that help people throughout their career and wherever they sit in an organizational structure,” says Andrews of Harvard University.  Research suggests that people with a high emotional quotient (EQ) are more innovative and have higher job satisfaction than those with lower EQs. While some people will be naturally more adept at certain aspects, EI can be learned, developed, and enhanced.

Here are some techniques that can help you improve your emotional intelligence:

1. Practice self-awareness: Self-awareness is the ability to identify and understand your own emotions and the impact you have on others. It’s the cornerstone of emotional intelligence and the other components of EI depend on this self-awareness. If you’re aware of your own emotions and the behaviors they trigger, you can begin to manage these emotions and behaviors,” says Andrews. Our emotions impact our mood, behaviors, performance, and interactions with other people. People who are self-aware tend to be more confident and more creative. They also make better decisions, build stronger relationships, and communicate more effectively.
2. Identify your emotions and have self-regulation. This is the ability to manage these emotions and behaviors. Once we’re aware of our emotions, we can begin to manage them and keep the disruptive emotions and impulses under control. Recognize your emotions and try to understand what triggers them. This can help you manage your emotions better. Pay attention to your thoughts, feelings, and behaviors. This can help you understand how your emotions affect your actions. “People with strong self-regulation can pause and take a deep breath in tense and stressful situations, explains Andrews, “which helps them remain calm and think before they speak or act.” These people tend toward a positive outlook and are adaptable to a variety of situations and circumstances. “On the flip side,” she says, “those that cannot contain their negative emotions and impulses often set off a chain reaction of negative emotions in others.”
3. Develop empathy and social awareness. This is our ability to understand the emotions of others and a key component of this is empathy. Empathy has three components – identifying what others feel, sharing this emotion, and wishing to improve their experience. Trying to understand other people’s perspectives and feelings. This can help you build stronger relationships. “It’s not about how you would feel in their situation, but rather, how they actually feel,” says Andrews. People with strong social awareness tend toward kindness. However, this doesn’t mean they cannot give others difficult feedback – in fact, they may be better at delivering this ‘tough love’ because they understand the other person and want to help them improve.
4. Practice active listening and good social skills which include influence, conflict management, teamwork, and the ability to inspire others, making it possible to build and maintain healthy relationships in all parts of your life. Listen to what others are saying without interrupting or judging them. This can help you understand their emotions better. People with strong social skills can make an enormous difference on a team and in organizations because they understand others and act on this knowledge to move people toward a common goal.
5. Manage your stress: Start by identifying the things that cause you stress. This could be anything from work-related stress to personal issues. Once you know what’s causing your stress, you can take steps to manage it. Relaxation techniques such as deep breathing, meditation, and yoga can help you reduce stress and anxiety. Exercising is also a great way to reduce stress and improve your overall health. It helps to release endorphins, which are natural mood boosters. Even a short walk can help you feel better. Practice the 4 A’s of stress management that is Avoid, Alter, Adapt, and Accept. Avoid unnecessary stress, alter the situation, adapt to the stressor, and accept the things you can’t change. Talk to someone you trust about what’s causing you stress and make time for fun and relaxation. In addition, maintain a balance with a healthy lifestyle by eating a balanced diet, getting enough sleep, and avoiding excessive caffeine and alcohol.
6. Practice assertiveness by communicating your thoughts, feelings, and beliefs in a clear and respectful manner while also respecting the thoughts and wishes of others. Clearly define your boundaries and communicate them to others. This will help you avoid situations that make you uncomfortable.  Respect the thoughts and feelings of others, even if you disagree with them, and avoid using aggressive or confrontational language. This can help you communicate more effectively.
7. Develop resilience, the ability to cope with and recover from setbacks. It is a skill that can be learned and improved with practice. Having a strong support system is important in developing resilience. Reach out to friends, family, or community groups for support. Practice problem-solving skills by breaking down problems into smaller parts and brainstorming solutions. Setting goals will also help you stay focused and motivated. Make sure your goals are specific, measurable, achievable, relevant, and time-bound. Try to find the positive in every situation as a positive outlook can help you stay motivated and focused. Resilience is also built through experience. Take time to reflect on past experiences and learn from them.
8. Practice mindfulness: Find a quiet place where you can sit or lie down comfortably. Close your eyes and focus on your breath. Pay attention to the sensation of the air moving in and out of your body. As thoughts come into your mind, acknowledge them and let them go. Don’t judge or analyze them. When you notice your mind has wandered, gently bring your focus back to your breath. Focus on the present moment and try to be more aware of your thoughts and feelings. This can help you manage your emotions better. Remember, mindfulness is a skill that takes time and effort to develop. Be patient with yourself and celebrate your progress along the way.

For issues on mental health and the welfare of your marriages and families, remember seeking professional help from a counselling psychologist is the best thing one can do for their family. At Giving Hope Counselling Services we offer a safe space where we listen to our client's issues without judging them and assist them to resolve them so that their lives and their families can thrive again. Seeking help is a strength and not a weakness.

Call/WhatsApp us at 0721240462 or 0733932470 or email us at info@givinghope.co.ke to book a counselling session.