HOW TO SAVE A BROKEN MARRIAGE
"A lasting marriage is built by two people who make the daily decision to love one another, even during times when liking each other feels difficult." – Dave Willis
Marriage is often seen as a journey, but what do you do when the path turns rough and the connection you once valued begins to fall apart? Many couples face the heartbreaking truth that their relationship feels distant, leading them to wonder if the love they once had can truly be rekindled. Have you ever questioned whether your marriage can be saved? Do you worry that the hurt runs too deep? Take a breath—there is hope. Even in the most difficult seasons, healing and restoration are possible with the right support and a willingness to try. Studies show that couples who intentionally address their challenges are more likely to restore their connection and experience long-term fulfillment together.
Is it possible to save a broken marriage?
Yes, it is—but it’s not an easy journey. Repairing a broken marriage takes more than love alone; it requires dedication, consistent effort, and the courage to face difficult and sometimes painful truths. The first step toward restoration is recognizing that serious problems exist and that both partners must be willing to actively participate in the healing process. It’s also important to stay grounded in reality—some marriages may not be salvageable, especially when issues have gone unaddressed for too long or if one or both partners are no longer invested. However, if there’s still a foundation of respect and a sincere desire to reconnect and rebuild, there is hope. Healing happens step by step, with a willingness to seek guidance and extend patience and grace to one another along the way.
How can I tell if my marriage is worth saving?
When your marriage feels like it’s falling apart, it’s completely normal to question whether it’s worth holding on to. The confusion and emotional weight of the situation can be exhausting, and the fear of choosing the wrong path can feel paralyzing. Before making any major decisions, take a moment to pause and reflect honestly and compassionately on your relationship. Ask yourself whether there's still a meaningful foundation—such as mutual respect, shared values, or emotional connection—that could be rebuilt. This kind of self-awareness is often the first step toward knowing if there’s a path forward for healing and restoration.
7 Key Truths to Understand When Rebuilding a Broken Marriage
If you’re working to mend a fractured marriage, there are some important realities to face. These aren't shortcuts or simple solutions, but they are vital for anyone genuinely committed to restoring a struggling relationship. Here are seven essential things to remember as you begin the journey of healing:
1. Healing is a gradual journey
Restoring a damaged marriage doesn’t happen instantly. It takes time, patience, and perseverance. There will be ups and downs, and at times, the progress may feel frustratingly slow—but don’t lose hope. Time, when used wisely, becomes a valuable ally in the healing process.
2. Trust needs to be earned back
When trust has been broken, it can't be repaired with a quick apology or a single promise. Rebuilding trust takes consistent effort and reliability over time. It’s about showing—again and again through your actions—that you’re serious about growth, honesty, and making things right.
3. Communication is often the greatest challenge
A major reason many marriages begin to unravel is ineffective communication. Misunderstandings, unspoken expectations, and lingering conflicts can slowly build a wall between partners. Healing requires learning to speak with honesty and clarity—but just as importantly, it means learning to truly listen and understand each other’s perspective.
4. Resentment can linger beneath the surface
Even after choosing to work on your marriage, past wounds can unexpectedly resurface. Resentment has a way of quietly undermining progress, making it difficult to truly move forward. Recognizing and addressing this emotional undercurrent is essential for genuine healing.
5. Both partners must be fully committed
Restoring a marriage isn’t something one person can do alone. It requires mutual effort, with both spouses equally invested in rebuilding the relationship. If one partner checks out or refuses to engage, the chances of lasting restoration become much slimmer.
6. Love by itself won’t fix everything
While love is a vital part of any marriage, it isn’t the only ingredient needed to make things work. Qualities like respect, empathy, and aligned values play a huge role. Realizing this helps shift your focus from idealized romance to the practical, intentional effort required to restore a struggling relationship.
7. Getting professional support can make a difference
There are times when outside help is necessary. Turning to a counselor or therapist doesn’t mean you’ve failed—it means you’re serious about healing. A trained professional can provide insights, tools, and guidance that can help you both navigate the challenges and rebuild your connection more effectively.
How to Revive a Broken Marriage: 15 Key Tips
If you’re searching for ways to repair your marriage or relationship, it’s crucial to step back, assess what’s really going wrong, and consider these methods for reigniting your bond.
1. Reflect on what made you fall in love
It can be difficult to look back at how deeply in love you once were and compare that to the distance that has grown between you. To fix a broken marriage or restore a troubled relationship, reconnect with the early days. Think about the qualities or moments that initially brought you together—what ignited that spark. Writing it down might help you rediscover those feelings. Reflect on what you cherished about this person and what made you want to be with them in the first place. Even if it feels distant now, remembering the good times when you were newly in love can help revive your spirit and begin the healing process in your broken marriage. Jot down their best qualities, and you might realize that they’re still present, but you’ve struggled to reconnect with them recently.
2. Begin to truly listen to each other again**
Reignite your conversations and start communicating openly once more. Pay attention to what your spouse is saying, and then ask them to do the same for you. Make listening to each other a priority, as it may help you rediscover the aspects of your marriage that were once strong. If you’re wondering how to make a marriage work, start by truly listening to your partner and understanding their needs. This simple act is one of the most crucial steps in repairing and saving a broken marriage. Listening holds great power! When you listen attentively, you open the door to healing and saving your marriage.
3. Reflect on the reasons your marriage feels broken
Why do marriages fall apart? What went wrong? What led you to the point where your marriage feels broken? Did you drift apart? Did infidelity occur? Or did life simply get in the way? Understanding the root causes of a broken marriage is crucial to fixing it. Even if your relationship has faced significant challenges, saving a broken marriage is still possible. Consider when things shifted from good to bad, and then look for ways to address those issues and restore your marriage or relationship.
4. Communicate with each other
Practice patience with each other, especially in the areas where the most significant issues lie. This approach can be extremely beneficial when trying to repair and save a broken marriage. Research shows that as affection between people grows, so does their patience with each other. Make an effort to speak *to* each other, not *at* each other. This goes hand-in-hand with listening; improving your communication will help you reconnect and rebuild your bond. Be patient and committed to working through the challenges, trusting that it will eventually lead to brighter days. This is a crucial aspect to keep in mind when trying to save your marriage from falling apart.
5. Don’t let distractions interfere with your relationship
Yes, you may have children, careers, and numerous other responsibilities, but don’t allow them to take priority over your marriage. Life can become hectic, but it’s important for couples to grow together and stay aligned through both the good and challenging times. Make a conscious effort to date each other again, have more meaningful conversations, and stay connected as a team—no matter how hectic life becomes. Continuing to date your spouse can be a powerful way to rebuild a broken marriage. Setting aside intentional time for each other helps you reconnect and stay accountable, creating space to nurture the relationship and strengthen your bond.
6. Look for ways to reconnect
Consider what it would take to reestablish your bond—it doesn’t have to be grand; even small gestures can make a big difference. Plan a getaway for just the two of you, spend a few uninterrupted minutes together each night talking, go on regular dates, and make each other a top priority.
7. Recommit to one another
Healing a broken marriage is never simple. Beyond making an effort, genuine commitment is essential—and often where couples struggle. When one or both partners avoid fully committing, it only deepens the issues. The journey to restoring a marriage begins with a firm decision to stay invested in each other.
8. Start by working on yourself
When it comes to repairing a broken marriage, the process begins with personal growth. It’s easy to focus on your partner’s flaws, but marriage isn’t about blame. If you’re serious about fixing what’s broken, take time to reflect on your own actions and areas for growth first. None of us are perfect, but if both partners commit to working on themselves individually, it lays a strong foundation for rebuilding the relationship. Remember, being secure and whole on your own means your partner won’t feel the burden of carrying the emotional weight alone.
9. Make a list of your spouse’s positive qualities and show appreciation
If you're wondering how to mend your marriage while feeling overwhelmed by your partner's mistakes, one effective strategy is to focus on and list their strengths. This approach may not be suitable if the issues stem from serious breaches like infidelity or abuse. However, if your marital challenges arise from misaligned priorities, crises, poor communication, or financial issues, recognizing and appreciating your partner’s positive traits can be a valuable step toward healing your relationship. Take note of your spouse’s good qualities. Even if your spouse doesn’t always share your priorities, they may have qualities worth appreciating—maybe they’re a great cook, work hard, make you feel valued, or avoid certain habits out of respect for you. Often, we dwell on what’s lacking instead of noticing what’s already there. When you focus on and appreciate what your partner brings to the relationship, it becomes easier to put in the effort needed to heal and rebuild your marriage.
10. Reintroduce yourselves to each other
Many women find themselves asking, “How can I fix my marriage with my husband?” One common reason for disconnection is the demands of daily life. Between busy schedules, parenting, and stress, it’s easy to drift apart and wake up feeling like strangers. To begin restoring a marriage that’s falling apart, make a conscious choice to reconnect and understand each other on a deeper level again. Reconnect by rediscovering each other. Take time to learn what motivates your spouse, what their dreams are, and what they find frustrating. Getting to know one another all over again can help you better understand each other’s perspectives and strengthen your bond.
11. Recognize and embrace imperfections
Every marriage has its flaws, and expecting perfection can lead to constant frustration. Learning to understand and accept each other’s shortcomings is key to healing a struggling relationship. For instance, if your spouse is forgetful, try not to take it personally. Instead, see it as part of who they are and look for ways to manage it together.
Shifting your focus to their strengths rather than fixating on their faults can reduce tension and help create a more supportive, caring connection.
12. Reconnect through shared dreams and goals
As time passes, couples can drift apart simply because their goals shift—and they stop talking about them. Revisiting the dreams you once had together, or creating new ones as a team, can help rekindle your connection. For example, if you once dreamed of traveling but got caught up in daily life, try planning small getaways to get back on track. Realigning your future goals, even in simple ways, can help you grow closer and begin to repair your marriage.
13. Build new joyful memories together
While reminiscing about why you fell in love is valuable, creating new, meaningful experiences can strengthen your bond right now. Trying new activities or adventures as a couple can give you a fresh outlook on your relationship and bring renewed energy to your connection. Try new shared activities. Consider picking up a hobby together—like joining a cooking class, going on nature hikes, or learning something new as a team. These shared experiences help create positive memories that can offset the difficult times, making it easier to focus on rebuilding your marriage.
14. Show kindness every day
Simple, thoughtful actions can make a big difference in a relationship. Whether it’s preparing your partner’s favorite meal or leaving a heartfelt note, small daily gestures show appreciation and care. These consistent expressions of love can gradually strengthen emotional bonds. Start by doing one kind thing each day—it’s a powerful step toward restoring your connection.
15. Embrace forgiveness
Forgiveness is essential in any lasting marriage. Holding on to past pain only builds emotional walls and keeps the relationship stuck. Letting go and choosing to forgive opens the door to healing and allows both partners to move forward with compassion and hope. If your partner has made mistakes but is sincerely trying to change, forgiveness can be a powerful step forward. Forgiving doesn’t mean you have to forget what happened, but it does mean choosing to release the resentment that might be blocking your healing. Start by having an honest conversation about the hurt you’ve experienced, and make a conscious effort to let go of the grudges that may be holding your marriage back from true restoration.
At “Giving Hope Counselling Services” we understand the challenges partners face in broken marriages and will guide them in successfully rebuilding their relationships again. Call/WhatsApp us at +254721240462 or +254733932470 or email us at info@givinghope.co.ke to book a counselling session.
Peter Mugi Kuruga
Counselling Psychologist/Marriage and Family Therapist
