By making a few small changes in how you spend time together, you can revitalize a long-term relationship. You don't need a major transition to infuse new energy into your connections. These purposeful strategies can refresh what feels familiar and enhance your sense of closeness, gratitude, and happiness. Whether it's a romantic relationship or a long-term friendship, there are always ways to renew the bond.
- Try something new together
In long-term relationships, routines often form. One person tends to take the lead in planning outings or intimate moments. You become familiar with each other’s preferences and establish favorite spots for meals or coffee. Over time, the shared journey feels like it’s on autopilot, following well-worn paths.
Break out of these routines by exploring something new. Start small, like waking up early to make coffee for both of you, or suggesting a walk in an unfamiliar park instead of going to your usual Thai restaurant. Be open to spontaneous activities like a night out at a line dancing bar or an impromptu mid-week visit to a jazz club or a movie. "Go on adventures together," says Kerstin Rao, a coach based in Westport, Connecticut.
- Disagree more constructively
In long-term relationships, you often know exactly what will trigger the other person. It's easy to start a fight, but harder to avoid one.
This is a chance to "accept influence," as the Gottman Institute advises, and allow the other person to be right for once. Rather than stubbornly sticking to your point of view, acknowledge whatever part of the other person's perspective makes sense. As Don Cole, a couples therapist and clinical director at the Gottman Institute, suggests: Instead of saying "I love you," try saying the other three powerful words: "That makes sense." Taking this first step can help soften the other person’s stance, creating space for compromise. After all, you've chosen this person to share your life with and invested years in the relationship. What are you really gaining by being obstinate? Compromising and accepting their quirks can feel like a gift that you might have once found annoying in a different situation.
Consider setting aside time each week to discuss tough issues. Knowing there's a designated moment for problem-solving can make it easier to let go of small daily disagreements. You may also find that fewer issues need to be addressed in these weekly talks as you approach longstanding challenges with fresh perspectives. Bring warmth and openness to the relationship, and the other person will likely respond in kind.
The Gottman Institute's research on conflict in relationships reveals that couples in stable marriages have five times more positive interactions during disagreements compared to those in marriages that are at risk of ending. It’s not that the happier couples argue less, but they do so more constructively—without as much contempt, criticism, defensiveness, or stonewalling.
- Establish connection rituals
One simple way to refresh your relationship is to create rituals around the moments during the day or week when you come together. When you reunite after work or running errands, consider taking a few minutes to sit together with a cup of tea (or a glass of wine) and have a distraction-free conversation before diving into dinner prep. Look for opportunities to start new routines—extra points if they engage all five senses. Perhaps you could visit the bagel shop together every Saturday morning, carpool to a martial arts class, or take a walk through your neighborhood at dusk.
The key is that by repeating the same activities each morning, evening, week, or month, you create a connection ritual that makes ordinary moments feel special—or even sacred. You are intentionally turning toward each other. By slowing down and savoring the experience, as researchers call it, you can become more mindful and appreciative of your relationship. What we regularly practice grows stronger. In these rituals, aim to nurture your friendship by connecting with your partner in both good and challenging times, advises Karen Bridbord, a licensed psychologist in New York City. "Couples with a strong friendship tend to do the best, not because they face fewer problems," she says.
- Express Appreciation with Specificity
In long-term relationships, we may assume our partner knows how much they mean to us, but verbalizing it still makes a difference. Rather than offering generic compliments like “you’re beautiful” or “you’re so smart,” focus on specific actions and their impact. Highlight what your partner did and how it affected you. For instance: “When you emptied the dishwasher and tidied up the kitchen on Wednesday, it made me feel loved and relieved during a hectic workweek.” Or, “Surprising me with discount tickets to a dance performance brightened my week and helped me appreciate beauty when I was feeling down.”
Research by social psychologist Beverley Fehr revealed the emotional power of gratitude. In a study involving mothers and daughters, participants were deeply moved when they took turns expressing three qualities they appreciated in each other—often leading to tears. Fehr explains that people don’t always realize what others value in them, and hearing it can either confirm a suspicion or reveal a heartwarming surprise.
