RESOLVE GRIEVANCES QUICKLY—DON’T LET THEM PILE UP.

Are unresolved issues creating distance between you and your spouse? We all face challenges, but letting them go unaddressed can lead to growing separation—both emotionally and physically. Unresolved grievances can build an invisible wall between you. That’s why it’s crucial to handle them as they arise. As Bill Hybels wisely says, don’t let frustrations pile up or turn into resentment. Anger is often rooted in deeper hurt, and acknowledging that hurt can help break down the barriers between you.

Many situations can create conflict and build walls between husbands and wives. The real question is—how do we respond when communication breaks down and hostility creates distance? If left unresolved, resentment can grow like a disease, leading to deep division and an unhealthy relationship.

A Plan for Restoring Peace and Tearing Down Walls

Like a skilled carpenter, we should focus on breaking down the walls that divide us and building bridges to restore communication. When conflicts arise in marriage, we must be intentional about resolving them rather than letting them pile up. As the author Dr. Sharon Hart Morris wisely said:

“Whatever you do, don’t allow your hurts to remain unresolved! The longer you leave them, the harder you will have to work to restore emotional connection to your relationship.”

We've learned that grievances, if left unchecked, can grow, distort through our own perceptions, and cause serious harm to our marriage. That’s why addressing them quickly is crucial. It’s much easier to work through issues before they solidify into long-term resentment. Once patterns of conflict harden, change is still possible—but it may require serious effort, like breaking through concrete.

I learned long ago not to hold onto grievances. Resolve issues quickly so they don’t build up and become overwhelming. We've seen couples stack up complaints until everything collapses, leading to intense arguments. Holding onto grudges can become overwhelming and lead to major conflicts. Address issues as they arise to maintain a healthy relationship. Keep conflicts short-lived.

I completely agree with Dr. Sharon Hart Morris when she says “unresolved hurts only make restoring emotional connection harder. The longer grievances linger, the more they grow and distort through personal perspective, causing deeper harm to the marriage”.

It’s crucial to address issues openly and resolve them as soon as possible. As Gary Chapman explains in Covenant Marriage, when conflicts go unresolved for years, couples may start seeing each other as adversaries, always on the defensive, expecting attacks. This mindset erodes trust and intimacy—definitely not the foundation of a strong, healthy marriage.

I share this to remind you that only God knows what each day holds—tomorrow isn’t guaranteed. Do your best to resolve conflicts quickly and keep short accounts, no matter how long you live. It benefits you in countless ways. Above all, follow God’s word, when he says:

“If it is possible, as far as it depends on you, live at peace with everyone.” (Romans 12:18) “Get rid of all bitterness, rage and anger, brawling and slander, along with every form of malice. Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other, just as in Christ God forgave you.” (Ephesians 4:31-32).

Address your differences and resolve conflicts quickly before small issues turn into major problems. If they’ve already grown, seek the help you need to work through them, one step at a time. Don’t wait—start now!

Struggling with unresolved conflicts in your marriage? Don’t let grievances pile up and create walls between you and your spouse. At Giving Hope Counselling Services, our expert therapists are here to help you navigate and resolve conflicts in a healthy, constructive way. With compassionate guidance, we’ll support you in breaking down barriers, restoring communication, and strengthening your emotional connection. Don’t wait until small issues become overwhelming—let us help you build a strong, lasting marriage today!

Call/WhatsApp us at +254721240462/+254733932470 or email us at info@givinghope.co.ke to book a session. Also visit our blog on our website www.givinghope.co.ke for more articles on relationships, marriages and families.

Peter Mugi Kuruga

Dip. In Counselling, B.Com., M.A.(Counselling), Phd(On going).

Counselling Psychologist/Marriage and Family Therapist

 

References

Chapman G., (2003). Covenant Marriage, Building Communication & Intimacy. Broadman & Holman.

Morris S. H., (2007). How To Argue So Your Spouse Will Listen: 6 Principles for Turning Arguments into Conversations. Thomas Nelson.